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Ask me anything Sun, Apr. 20, 2014 83 notes
Anonymous Asked:
Do you think women who stay in abusive relationships are stupid?

frodoyodo:

That’s such a widespread misconception. See the thing is, relationships hardly ever start out abusive. It only becomes blatantly obvious when it’s too late. It starts out normal. Well actually, it starts out perfect. The woman is literally in awe of how perfect the relationship is. She can’t stop thinking about how great of a husband or father he’ll be. And every time she sees him, he amazes her more and more. He’s extremely charismatic and charming and she never thought a man could be like that. She’s completely enamored with him.
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Bc the thing is, you don’t see it coming. A good majority of abusers are narcissists. And the deal with that is, every narcissist hates themselves. To the core, every single last one of them. And they put on this front that’s the complete opposite so that no one will ever know what the reality is. And they are charming as shit. And they appear to be perfect. They become abusers(not all narcissists) bc they have a huge fear of rejection and abandonment. So they’ll do whatever it takes to ensure that never happens to them. And that includes Finding someone, and turning them into their own little creation. They become this obedient and submissive little plaything essentially.

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After the whole “I’m perfect, this will last forever perfectly” thing, it starts slowly. Comments like “THATS what you’re gonna wear??” And when you ask what’s wrong they don’t reply. Or commenting on how you didn’t do something 100% correct(meaning you didn’t do it the way they wanted), or saying they don’t like the way your favorite piece of clothing looks on you. And then it goes to them saying that they don’t really like one of your friends. And so you stop hanging out or talking to them as much bc everytime you do, you guys get into an argument. And then it seems like they don’t like any of your friends OR family. And now you’re shut out. Or rather, you’ve shut them out, for the sake of an argument. Bc they convince you that your best friend, or that your mother are horrible people and don’t want what’s best for you. Only they do, no one else does. And it’ll be detrimental to you, if you continue to speak with them.

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And now, now that you’re alone, and you only have them, now is when it starts. They start to control what you wear, how you have your hair, how your cooking tastes, etc. Bc you’re not what they envision in their heads. You’re not the perfect play thing yet. And they’re molding you into it. You can’t wear clothes or anything that will attract the gaze of others(bc you might end up leaving them), if someone flirts with you it was your fault and you should’ve stopped it(bc you might end up leaving them).

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It gets to the point where they nitpick about everything and you start to comply just to pacify them. But that quickly turns into striving to please them. Bc at this point nothing you do is right and they’re constantly disgusted with you. Your confidence is shattered(bc at every chance they get they jab you about something) and the only thing you want is for them to be proud of you, to be happy, to love you. Their approval becomes the end all be all and it is your only goal.

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They’ll try to stop you from achieving things. Sometimes they end up having you quit work, drop out of school, and have a child so that they can further control you. If you ever do go out without them, there’s a time limit. And even if that limit is 10 and you come home at 9:30 they’re still asking why you’re late, where were you, who you were with and why you didn’t text them while you were there.

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Guilt trips, guilt trips, guilt trips. They’ll constantly tell you sob stories(which are always exaggerated or made up) to get you to pity them so you’ll comply even further. They’ll say how they feel so bad that you don’t love them, or that you were looking at someone else in the store. And you’ll actually feel bad and realize you were wrong no matter how stupid it all sounds(you’re not wrong).

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Then the physical aspect comes in. Whenever you do something they don’t like, which can be as simple as dyeing your hair or giving them the wrong utensil, they snap. They’ve worked so hard on you and you have become so close to perfect and they’re frustrated because you are fucking up. Remember, they are narcissists okay. When they fuck up it ruins them. And that makes them angry, that makes them very angry and they see no other way to get that anger out except hit you or push you or do something to physically harm you. The first time they apologize because they have to make it seem like they are truly sorry for what they’ve done. Don’t let them fool you because they’re not, they’re happy they hurt you because by you not doing what they want you to do you’ve hurt them and so you deserve it. And then they don’t care to apologize anymore. Bc by this point you’ve already been brainwashed into thinking that this is the only way he can correct you. You start to think that you deserve it because you’re not treating them the way that you should be and you’re not being a good partner, and that you need to be reprimanded until you get it right.

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It’s never ending. At this point in the game, you feel like you love them more than anything else, and they’re all you have left. And they’ve torn your confidence to bits and you know in your heart that no one could ever possibly love you but them(which isn’t true). But that’s what they tell you over and over and over again. Every time you fucked up they tell you that you are lucky that they deal with this and that no other person would be able to deal with you and love you like they do(bullshit).

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Women in these relationships don’t leave because they don’t know that there’s anything wrong. Had it started abusive they would’ve gotten out as quick as they could. But it didn’t, it was slow and it was meticulous and it was planned out and it didn’t get bad until they were already sucked in.

Ps: To all my followers, if what I just described sounds like a relationship you or someone you know is in, you need to speak up, come talk to me, or someone, or just really reevaluate what’s going on. Because if what I just described is happening in your daily life you need to get the fuck out and you need to do it now.





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ben c memeten photoshoots: [3/10]

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sherlockisthebest:

BC + lips

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Text Post Thu, Apr. 17, 2014 6 notes

khakees:

i have trust issues because bananas are technically herbs

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Video Post Wed, Apr. 09, 2014 184 notes

uncsiren:

The Siren is a student-produced publication at UNC-Chapel Hill that promotes a feminist perspective on issues surrounding gender, identity, sexuality and human rights.

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amberrose19:

Tell me what I’m reading is a joke.

That’s just the most idiotic thing I have read today!

amberrose19:

Tell me what I’m reading is a joke.

That’s just the most idiotic thing I have read today!




Photo Post Wed, Apr. 09, 2014 839 notes

beingliberal:

A lot of things that help families survive can be obtained with equal pay for equal work

beingliberal:

A lot of things that help families survive can be obtained with equal pay for equal work




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